In Estero, Florida, a man wearing a mop on his head attempted to rob a gas station this week. Could be he had a secret yearning for dreadlocks, and this was the closest he could get. More likely, he was following in the footsteps of his hero, the Duct Tape Bandit.
When the cashier was too slow to hand over the money, the impatient scamp up and left. Although the not-so-clever caper was caught on tape, he is still missing. Police investigators will review the surveillance tapes, hoping to run across a few clues to the man’s identity.
Meanwhile, anyone spotting a redneck hanging out with a big white, janitorial mop atop his head is asked to contact the Estero Police Department immediately. He ain’t there to clean up the streets. Warning: He may still be sporting the mop handle.
These good ol’ boys in their odd disguises seem to be making a redneck crime fashion statement. Reckon this spells trouble for the ski mask industry?–Tex
Shamrock Liquors in Ashland, Kentucky, didn’t turn out so lucky for Kasey Kazee last weekend when he apparently walked in with his head wrapped in duct tape and demanded money. Like a character from a Beavis and Butthead cartoon, he also wore a t-shirt pulled around his ears. Store manager Bill Steele gave Kazee two rolls of coins before grabbing a (swear to Gawd) duct-tape-wrapped bat from beneath the counter and chasing him outside.
Kazee’s shiny silver head couldn’t have been too hard to spot in the parking lot. (Note to Rednecks: Give up any such ideas of clever disguises. We know who you are.) Another Shamrock employee, Craig Miller, tackled him there and kept him in a chokehold until police arrived. Luckily, most of the coins were retrieved from the surrounding pavement.
The 24-year-old wannabe whatever was charged with first-degree robbery but pleaded not guilty. During a jailhouse interview with a reporter from WSAZ News of Huntington, WV, Kazee denied being the robber or wearing the tape. “They’ve got the wrong man,” he said. Although Ashland police have photos of him wearing the duct tape, and obvious markings remained on his face, Kazee claimed to have no memory of the tape or even of entering the store. “Do I look like the Duct Tape Bandit to you?” he asked with a more or less straight face. (Video at http://www.wsaz.com/news/headlines/9129056.html)
Do I look like I just fell off a watermelon truck? Truth be told, I reckon lots of crazy things just naturally happen to a guy with a name like Kasey Kazee. What was his mama thinkin’? –Tex
According to an article in the Dallas Morning News (8/8), a 33-year-old woman known as the “Tattoo Bandit” was arrested last week in Euless, Texas. She wasn’t thinking straight, she said, when she committed robbery after robbery throughout Tarrant County to support her cocaine/heroin habit. Surveillance footage showed her face and the cross tattoo on her wrist during several of her 12 holdups; thus, the nickname. “When you go in somewhere with a gun in your hand, you’re pretty desperate. I wasn’t really going to hurt anyone,” she told reporters, adding that her gun wasn’t loaded. That could not be immediately confirmed.
I can’t imagine why those mean ol’ police officers didn’t cut this poor woman a break. After all, how much damage can one redneck gal do with an unloaded gun? Contributions to her defense fund may be made to your nearest corner dealer, who I”m sure will forward the cash. –Tex
