A low-down thief in Homestead, Florida, stole a backhoe, believe it or not, from a construction site this week. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the varmint then used the backhoe to haul away a Bank of America ATM that contained about $100,000 cash, according to a UPI report.
Homestead police are interested in talking to this fella real soon. “I’ve seen some crazy stuff with ATMs and all, but I haven’t seen this before,” police Capt. Ed Bowe told the Miami Herald.
A surveillance video from the bank showed a man in a four-door gold or tan Ford F-250 drive up to the ATM. Four minutes later, the backhoe shows up with a man behind the wheel. “(He) proceeds to use the backhoe to scoop up the ATM. And then the cameras go out,” Bowe said. Police officials think the Ford driver and the backhoe driver could be the same person. The backhoe, by the way, was found a few blocks away. It was still running and soon apprehended. No suspect was onboard, nor have any turned up since.
This particular redneck obviously needed some extra cash to support his fancy Florida fun-in-the-sun lifestyle. Times like that, a good ol’ boy’s probably remembering his pappy’s words back on the farm… “A little hard work never hurt nobody.” Could be his long, hard hours on the farm or in a construction yard are finally starting to pay off. I reckon the State of Florida would be more than happy to even provide him with room and board someday.–Tex
A few Denton, Texas cops enjoyed a little change-of-pace excitement recently. It all started when they responded to a complaint about a home invasion in a quiet neighborhood.
About the time the po-lice arrived, the burglary suspect jumped out of a window and led them on a wild 10-minute foot chase before ducking into a drainage pipe. Being the patient sort, the officers waited for the perp to pop out. When he didn’t, they called the guys at the city water department to come dig a few holes in the pipe so they could get their man.
Hours later, they finally were able to drag the suspect out in a daring (okay, maybe it was more like ‘baring’) rescue. Believe it or not, this redneck wannabe-bandit had ended up trapped 300 feet from where he originally entered the storm-sewer pipe. He was treated at Denton Regional Medical Center before being released into police custody to face a charge of evading arrest.
The moral to this story? We’ve sure come a long way from those posses who had to chase down the bad guys and corner em in a deadend canyon.–Tex
Thanks to readers like you and a $1,000 reward, the Saint Jo Police Department received hundreds of tips about that scoundrel who ran off with those $10K boots last week. (See “Boot-Scootin’ Varmint” Aug. 12.) Chief Jonathan Lloyd claimed the massive media attention was a big help. (ahem… You’re welcome, Chief.) One tip led officers to the Cooke County Jail, where they apparently had a nice chat with an inmate who pointed them in the right direction.
Chief Lloyd and another officer drove more than 200 miles in the next 11 hours, talking to about a dozen folks and searching five homes and businesses from Denton to Callisburg, Texas. Finally, the suspect phoned Chief Lloyd while he was searching yet another house. The lily-livered varmint refused to turn himself in but did agree to take the boots to a safe location. Around 7 p.m. Thursday, he called again to say the boots were on U.S. Highway 82 in Muenster. Sure enough, that’s where police found them–a little scuffed up but safe and sound.
Saint Jo Police are expected to file charges right soon. According to the boots’ owner and designer, Carl Chappell, “The guy wore them into several Western Wear stores, so we’ve got about ten positive photos of the suspect.” (Dallas Morning News)
This fella needs to be kept barefoot and in jail, far away from any respectable Western Wear retailers. Even a redneck can’t mess with another man’s boots and get by with it.–Tex
Recently, a twenty-something young man in sneakers moseyed into Trail Town Custom Leather in St. Jo, Texas, and asked the price for repairing a pair of boots. “My grandfather left me a pair of elephant boots, but the dogs chewed the tops,” he told apprentice bootmaker John Glaze and asked how much it would cost to repair them. Then a solicitor called. Glaze listened to the caller’s spiel for a while before noticing that his customer was leaving. Realizing the guy was carrying his tennis shoes, Glaze got suspicious, walked to the front window and saw that he had on a pair of $10,000 boots. “By the time I made it to the door, he was already going around the corner. And by the time I got to the corner, he was in his white pickup truck driving toward Forestburg,” Glaze said.
The boots, with handtooled leather tops depicting a cattle drive and bucking broncos, were the most expensive pair in the shop. Created by Glaze’s boss Carl Chappell, they had won first place at the 2003 Boot & Saddle Makers Trade Show Round Up in Wichita Falls.
Reward posters posted alongside U.S. Hwy. 82, around the town square and on the Internet offer a $1,000 reward, stating, “Anyone wanting to turn this piece of trash in should contact the Saint Jo PD.” Glaze hopes the reward will motivate one of the thief’s “scumbag friends” to turn him in. (Dallas Morning News, 8/12)
Nothing says ‘Texan’ like a fine pair of cowboy boots and a Stetson. Here’s hoping that varmint ends up with toe blisters and trips over those fancy high heels to fall on his sorry butt while dancin’ the Cotton Eyed Joe. –Tex