Redneck Crime

A 45-year-old South Texas woman scheduled to face negligent homicide charges will not show up for her trial tomorrow morning—the sixth trial date set for the case. Brazoria County District Attorney Jeri Yenne has dismissed the charges for lack of evidence. The woman has not and apparently will not be convicted, so her name will not be appear here. But how could any self-respecting redneck reporter resist sharing a few juicy details of a death-by-enema case?

Yep, that’s right… A gal stood by her man in May 2004 at their home near Houston and administered an enema of not one but two large bottles of sherry. Her 58-year-old machinist husband died of alcohol poisoning as a result, but she swears she was just doing what he told her to do. According to police, the man’s blood alcohol level rose to 0.47 percent, nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas.

The widow told the Houston Chronicle that her husband had been addicted to enemas since childhood and often used alcohol in that manner to get drunk. Supposedly, a throat ailment left him unable to drink booze.

In a telephone interview with Reuters, District Attorney Yenne said the dead man had “a severe alcohol issue,” and it was not clear that his wife had committed a crime. A charge that the accused had burned her husband’s will a month before his death was also dropped, she said. “We were never able to verify there was a signed, executed document.”

Guess this guy liked to literally booze it UP. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) Thought I’d heard or read it all when it comes to methods of mayhem and murder, but this one sure never popped up on my screen before. The possibilities downright blow my mind. And just think of what that poor lil’ widder-woman had to endure at cocktail hour each day.—Tex